Time heals all wounds??

This is what people say, but I think there are some wounds that cannot be healed. I have a few wounds that are just too ripe for me. Living in this world without Jenna just doesn't seem right. Having such a short period of time with Jenna just doesn't seem right... I feel selfish in saying this... but this is how I feel. I feel truly blessed to have known Jenna at all, and to have known her as well as I did... but I feel robbed in what was to come. I feel all of life was robbed though too... someone who had such passion for doing things her way and not looking back... we are all at a loss without that kind of person. Between not having her to chat with about anything and everything... to night's out that are just not the same.... to Jenna's ability to find humor in any moment... to night's when I would love to bring pizza over to her house so we can just hang out together and let the kids run around.... gosh, I have had countless nights where I have wanted to call her last minute and see if she wants to do that again..... to just having the opportunity to see her smile.... there are many moments and reminders that are just too ripe for me. So, does time heal all wounds?? I say no... simply there are just some wounds that are not able to be healed. Yes, time helps... but time can make it harder to face reality too. As three months have gone by since Jenna passed away.... I find myself still in denial. I have pain when I think about Jenna's three beautiful children, her husband, her mother, her sister, and all of her family... along with those that were closest to her, even for those that barely knew Jenna because we are all affected by the loss. I do hear her telling me that 'everything is ok' and see her smiling..... but damn it I want to say to her that everything is not ok. I keep remembering multiple conversations Jenna and I had at the beginning of this year when Mark and her were having some troubles. My heart just went out to her when she was going through that because after all she had been through with her first battle with Leukemia, this between her and Mark seemed to scare her more than anything else. Jenna was so stong, like she was with everything... and she did exaclty what she needed to do... she took care of herself and her children. Then she got pregnant... which was the most amazing sign that life was an amazing power... then she found out she was sick again which was a sign that life can be so cruel. Again, Jenna took this all with stride... I am a firm believer that positive attitude makes ALL the difference! Jenna's positive attitude did make a difference... my memories of her during this time are happy memories... as I think many feel that way... Jenna was Jenna through all of this, never getting down for too long. She would tell me 'sometimes you just have to greive and then move on from it' when she would have down moments and I would try to comfort her.... so true, yes we all have to grieve and then be able to move on from that. So this is what I attempt... to have my moments where I greive... and then remember Jenna telling me to move on... while I will never be "healed"... that is ok... beacause I would much prefer having to not be healed by losing Jenna then to have never known Jenna. I miss you very much girl!! Thanks for being you!!

Happy and content Jenna in March of 2008...