4+ months later... refreshed!

I was driving along Haynes Drive last week (a street I travel almost every day) when I noticed lights on and cars in the driveway of a new home that had been destroyed from the 4-11-09 tornado that hit Murfreesboro. This house was one of the first on Haynes that was completely demolished (what was left of it) and then started the rebuild process. The exterior of the house has been done for some time (at least 1.5 months or longer).

While being back to 'normal' is not a phrase many of the victims would likely describe that they are currently feeling, it is so refreshing to see this home being lived in again! I can say that since our fire happened, I have never been back to my old normal. It is a new normal.... a new refreshed view on life and what is important. For so many, when faced with an event(s) where the very life of people you love and yourself are risked... you find a new normal!!! A much improved normal, if you ask me!!!

There is NOT one day where I do not thank God for all the people in my life and for letting me breathe another day to be with those people!!!! Even when I struggle with life, I am still incredibly thankful and blessed to have air in my lungs!

Love those that mean the most to you today and everyday!! :)

Hold on.......

So, this is how God works in my heart...... through what is really important and music!!! :)

Instead of staying up tonight to finishing reading the last 200+ pages of Breaking Dawn for the second time I have been posting ads for my services hoping and praying for some income soon (OK, I am doing a little bit of other puter work too... much easier than on my phone, lol)! Let me just say that now that I have faces and voices to go with the characters, the books are EVEN better the second read around! I picked up New Moon about a week ago to read before the movie came out (with enough time to pass before the movie so that I am hopefully not disappointed)... and I was really surprised how much better it was after having seen Twilight once or twice (OK... no idea how many times, lol. I even watched it on my tiny iPod screen on my flight to Seattle..... sad. sad. this I know)! So, I kept reading. YES, If you have not picked it up since seeing the first movie, I HIGHLY recommend it and SOON! I highly DO NOT recommend seeing New Moon right after reading the book New Moon, as a friend did that with Twilight and was really disappointed. Yep, I would be too!

While I read this news story I was listening to 'Never Think' from the Twilight soundtrack. Dr. Ross was my OB-GYN when I was pregnant with Connor whom at the time I did NOT know he was sick in ANY way. I had some issues with him (differences of opinions and him not follow my wishes), but he did not end up delivering Connor. It was his tone and words that made me take my pre-term labor seriously the night I had to go to the hospital and then was but on bed rest. I remember him being very compassionate to me and he took a good amount of time talking to me about it. Yes, he was SO not my favorite person when I then went 9 days past my due date, but really that was a good thing for him to do as well (meaning nor Connor or me were in harm and C came just fine on his own in his own time). Dr. Ross retired just a few months after Connor was born last May. It is very sad for a life cut short and for him to have not lived long at all after retiring from delivering sweet babies! Life is short..... yes it is... for all of us... even if we live a long and happy life... it is STILL short!

So, yes... I have been *a little* crazed with everything Twilight lately.... music, tabloids, New Moon and RPattz as he is now known to me.... really my obsession is with Edward and Bella's amazing romance and love (I have a thing for the far out and forbidden stuff..... hence my Elvis obsession of my early days). In this song... of course song by none other than Robert Pattinson himself (amazingly talented musically if you ask me and I have a BIG thing for lyrics).... he talks about holding on to the one you love most. Here are the lyrics.....

I should never think
What's in your heart
What's in our home
So I won't

You'll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh Love
So call me by my name

And oh, save your soul
save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done

I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
To tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It's the one thing that I've known

Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out of this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying oh please
I'm in love
I'm in love

Girl save your soul
Save your soul
Before you're too far gone
And before nothing can be done

'Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Hold on

So, God is telling me loud and clear to HOLD ON and I am! The other part to the last post is that we are behind on some bills and it SUCKS big time, but WE are doing better now than a few months ago when our financial outlook in better shape. Why you ask? Because Mark and I are HOLDING ON to each other.... after having a very rough patch a few months back, we both learned a LOT from it and it REALLY helped us to re-focus! So... I will hold on just as told! :)

Time to buckle down again.... you would think we would learn!!

NOPE, it is way to hard to teach a dog new tricks, right?! I am totally a dog... at least in this reference!

So, we are living... yes this is true. We have food on the table for all of us, yes. Some weeks, it is VERY slim pickings and the peanut butter sandwiches get OLD fast! Yes, we have a roof over our heads..... a roof that is MUCH pricer than we should have gotten ourselves into knowing we wanted to be back to a one income family (but I digress). Yes, I have gotten REALLY good at bargain shopping and coupons are my BFF's!!

BUT.....

Most of the time..... I feel like......

a fish out of my fish bowl... gasping for air!

I am so incredibly thankful for the people in my life and the things that I DO have..... and I am a very simply girl, one that does not require too much (shh Mark... you know it is true). OK, I am NOT perfect... do I want nice things, hell ya.. I will not lie. BUT... I am not a shopper at all which is a good thing for us financially, that is for dang sure! Do I want certain things and find ways to get my way? Hmmm.. YES and this gets me in trouble sometimes for sure! But... I also OVER analyze almost every 'me' purchase!! Like, I got my hair professional highlighted in June (first time my hair has been professionally colored EVER). I agonized over this purchase and had thought to do it for many years, but I had always said that I did not want to start down that road as I thought I would not go back.... mind you, I am OK with my natural hair color too. Do I love how my hair looks now? YES, I really do. Can I live without it? Much bigger YES. Do I regret it? Not at all! I set aside money for it to happen and have NO guilt about it at all. That is something I have gotten SO MUCH better about over the last year or so too. Life is too *** short to worry to death about that kind of crap! When Mark and I were working full time, money was not a problem (no, we were not rolling in it... but we were not dependent on paycheck to paycheck). I did more 'me' purchases during that time, for sure.

Our house being one of them.... LOL. Not really, it was not that at all. I LOVE, LOVE our house and am SO proud of it... even the walls that need painting and the lack of decorations (after all that is all they are), but we bought this house with two incomes. Now, I did NOT make a crap load of money when I worked, but I certainly brought home a good amount to help cover bills and give us the extra we had. So.. it is NO secret that we have been struggling financially since we lost my income. Mark and I talk about it a lot... not like we do not.... although we certainly have had times where that has been a problem... that is really the only time that it REALLY stresses me out.. when he and I are not in communication about money or anything for that matter! Mark works 3 week nights and Sunday afternoons at SuperT to help (giving him 60-70 hours per week of work in total).. while I bring in a little bit of money here and there with MK and babysitting (nothing solid though).

It is NOT for lack of effort on my part to bring in more money either... and both Mark and I know that... I do not have to defend myself to him nor myself anymore (never mind what others might think about our situation and how I do 'not' work outside of the house but a little bit... ok, I digress... as yes that attitude from others does piss me off, but I stay focused and remember that we ALL have our situations... and what works for one does not work for another.. and that is THAT). I have tried on NUMEROUS occasions to get a solid babysitting gig (I feel weird saying that word, lol.. like I am a teenager looking for spending money) and have looked at a number of other options/ideas to bring home a solid paycheck. BUT, lets think about jobs in general over the last year, not to mention a lot of people tighten their spending (us certainly included)... hmm, not so many out there to get, lol. I have always said I would love to find something that would allow me to work at home. So, really in all seriousness, I canNOT work full time at home (well I guess I could if I decided to give up sleep and trap K&C in front of the TV for x hours per day, lol). Mark and I both agree that neither of us want that though. So, part time... yes, that would be PERFECT! Alas..... perfect = near to impossible to find! Again, this is NOT for lack of effort. Yes, I could be MUCH more aggressive with my MK biz... well, I am as aggressive as I feel I can be personally. Of course, it is a matter of how hungry you get as I have been told by a very smart women who happens to be my director. She is completely right, I know... but I really, REALLY struggle with it. I am getting better with this and have made more money of late, so that is a plus.

So, you might say... get a real job. Well, yes... again if it were that simple. Again, not for lack of effort here either but honestly this is NOT an option for us right now for a number of reasons.... first and foremost, we (both Mark and I) want me to be at home with the kids (yes.... me who was set on NEVER doing that) but I can get passed that for a period of time as I did it before. Well, that was with one kid in daycare... now with two kids in daycare... well, that would be $1500-2000 per month. OK, yes, I would still bring some money home..... but not much and well, we are keeping that option at the bottom of the list for now (not that it is NOT still on our minds, of course it is).

OK... to sum up.................. as I am typing this I am posting new ads for my 'services' lol. I am for hire to do just about anything!! :) HIRE ME.... to watch your kids, to clean your toilets, to make curtains, to run your errands......... hey, you have something you need done, I just might be able to figure it out, so let me know! I am highly trained in err a lot of things and attention to detail is my middle name!! Do you like my 'want ad'?? LOL

Really though.... I would greatly appreciate passing my name along to anyone that might need childcare, house cleaning, sewing!!! THANKS!

Stay tuned for my sewing creations! I am thinking of things to make to sell now that I have an AWESOME machine thanks to my wonderful MIL and am getting my sewing area set up FINALLY!

Oh, in general I know with 100+% that it will all be good...... because God is so dang good and with him ALL things really are possible, this I know! Sometimes, he just needs some time, I know that too! :)

Seriously?????

Door to door salesmen...... NOT happening, so stop trying! I do not trust any of them and really get annoyed with the hard sale! If I wanted that I would go to a car lot!!!!!!!!!!!

Still here....

Long time, no blog!

Summer time = OUTSIDE, OUTSIDE and fun. This sums up our summer for the most part. Of course with the fun has come both of my kids testing their boundaries! Can I say how much I *love* having another kid that does this?! Here is a little update on my sweet hellions.. err I mean angels!

Kaya is BORED like crazy with me and is ALWAYS saying "where are my friends?". She will stand at the window waiting for the site of a kid anywhere and jump for joy, lol. OR when we are outside... she will quietly listen for the sounds of kids voices, and say "I hear kids!". Oh, gotta love that girl!! We have done a ton and it has all been good, but I really struggle with her bored times when I just need some time to myself too. She has times where she can do things on her own... but it never seems to last long. Well, she starts 'school' two days a week on Sept 1st, and we are all counting down the days! :)

Connor is WILD and such a BOY! He wants to do EVERYTHING his sister does, including the monkey bars, lol. It is funny and cute at the same time to watch him attempt to climb the ladder to get to them. He likes to try to swing by himself too. He is RUNNING... yes, walking is boring I guess, lol. He can get into trouble in no time, and of course with that the word "NO" is not really in his vocab yet. He is able to say more and more.. which is great b/c I am a huge fan of words vs. whining/screaming! He walks around the times saying "aya"! He says it loudly just like I do when I am really trying to get her attention... hmm, mini me on my hands, lol.

Well.... there are a few more weeks left of summer.. hoping and praying for a cool August, but I think that is a bit much to ask for after such a mild July!! Enjoy it!