This is all I have to say...

Seven Pounds! End of story! Really, you have to see it... you will be changed!

As we are in California enjoying the second part of our trip/vacation/drama time with family, lol... Mark and I got away for a movie date night (first date night for us in WAY too long to even say). Let me just say... this month was something...... hit home really good too... hard but good!

Now, as there is ONE day left in 2008.... I cannot think of a better way to have spent the evening... seeing a movie that really makes you think... and hits you in the heart.... along side my hubby! Oh, I got a new hair do as well! I LOVE it..... while I miss the pony tail... I am already loving the FUNness of the style!!

Happy 2009!!! We will be celebrating all day as we drive to DISNEYLAND baby... omg, I canNOT wait!!!

Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night...

It is VERY unlikely I will be on to post until next year! We have been busy enjoying the Christmas season with numerous parties, helping families who really need the help, programs at a few churches.. all the while taking time to catch our breathe and really enjoy the season! We are very thankful to be able to spend Christmas with Mark's family and then New Year's with my mother. This year... we are really enjoying the little things and thankful for those little things that bring us true happiness.

Wishing you all a wonderful and BLESSED Christmas filled with the LOVE of your family and the PEACE of the season!!!!

BIG Prayers Needed for Debbie!

I was so saddened to learn last night that Debbie will be having a double masectomy Friday. Prayers and thoughts for the doctors performing the surgery, the nurses caring for her... especially for Debbie and Anthony, along with all of their family!!! We love them so much as they have had the BIGGEST open arms and hearts for our family. Now it is time to open our arms and hearts for them! I will post updates as known.

DISNEY baby!!

Yes, that is right..... I keep saying "What are you going to do know that... insert whatever?" and then saying "I am going to DISNEYLAND!!!" I AM SO grateful!!! While in California the week after Christmas, we will take four of those eight days to do Disney! I CANNOT wait myself.. as this will be my FIRST time to either park... Yes I am a virgin, LMAO. Kaya has NO clue... and plan to keep it a secret! SHE is going to go NUTS!! She LOVES, LOVES all of the Disney Princesses...... oh, I cannot wait to see her face and her jumping up and down!!!!!! Oh, Connor will love Mickey and Goofy too, lol.... Kaya LOVES Goofy.. her fav of those characters. I hear it is just BEAUTIFUL this time of year too.. with being decorated for Christmas!!!

FINALLY got the email!!!

Mark's denial email for MD job, lol. Mark had already known the answer after not hearing back from emails and voice mails. He is TOTALLY fine with it, as what is meant to be is meant to be... really, why get upset about it?! I have felt the same way as Mark for 1.5 wks, but it is still good to get the officially word one way or another. He will be emailing the peeps he interviewed with to inquiry if they would like to share any info as to why. He is left wondering if he tanked the in person interview (which is strongly not thinking...... as they seemed very impressed and they did not really ask any other questions than in the phone interviews) or he does not fit their impression of the 'right' fit. While they obviously cannot discriminate for looks or such, Mark is a big man (really, lol)...... but it cracks me up as he even shaved off his goatee to be clean shaved, lol. Anyway, I secretly am quite relieved.... I really love the idea of moving there, Chicago, New York area.. some bigger city area SOMEDAY... but not now.

As I would turn out... it looks like a HIGH probility that he will be getting a great promotion very soon! This is something that has been in the works for a LONG time, as it is a new posistion... new department even.. thus corporate has to approve the whole thing. Anyway, this would be a large pay increase... more importantly it would be the challenge Mark needs and deserves... and finally allow him to really expand his knowledge. Oh, a LOT of travel.. basically living in Reno for awhile would be required... but I can deal with that... especially short term. I can take the kids to live in Cali for awhile, lol.

I am having a love affair....

with SLEEP from BB&W!!!!! Sersiously... all I have to say is.... YOU HAVE TO TRY IT! My good friend Hillary has told me for years about the power of a bath and its relaxing qualities. Well, that is my therapy... and has been since C was born. Now that I have a huge tub to soak in... and I cannot get massages very often, I am sold! This stuff though........ OMG! Enough said! :)

Reason for the Season....

As the Christmas hustle and bustle is in full swing, I was humbled this morning at church. A good friend of mine and former coworker sang a solo for the choir.... her voice is truly just beautiful! She is an amazing women, mother of two, hard worker and has had a lot of struggles in her life. Today as I talked with her after the service to tell her I was brought to tears, we talked about how we try to always keep things in perspective of what is really worth living for in life. She won one of the door prizes ($100 Wal Mart gift card) last night at the Cardinal Christmas party... along with two other good friends who each won $250 gift cards (both of whom truly need that this year.. with husband job losses, etc). I said to her that God had that planned for them all.... as I truly do believe as such... he gave these three people (among others last night, 35 door prizes in total) an early Christmas gift, one that means more to them this year than other years would have meant. We both agreed.

Today's service was the kickoff of the Christmas season and festivities at church. I was there with both kids but without Mark as he had to work at Target (missing him and feeling like something was missing). I was so humbled and felt so blessed the whole service.... many times brought to tears. As I am thankful for so many things.... my health, the love of people in my life... really that is all I need to keep me going... but this year I feel so thankful for the amazing family I have with my church... and that I have rediscovered God... not that I ever stopped my discovery... it has just been renewed and he has done SO much for me recently. For that, I am so blessed... truly blessed. In today's service, we sang "The Reason for the Season"..... so true... and so beautiful....

Talking.... and talking!

Connor is 7 months old today!!! He started saying "MAMA" clear as day yesterday!! I got it on video this morning along with pics for the 7 month mark! He is so dang cute! Oh, he pulls himself up to his knees and keep trying to get to his feet. God help me!

It is moments like this that help remind me to focus on the little things! I have been REALLY stressed about so much lately. Christmas is often a stressful time for many... this year the gift process is not stressful (well at least for my kids as we are not spending much at all) but we will be traveling ALL over... that right there is VERY stressful for me! I have been very stressed with Mark working 20 hours on top of his normal job. Stress, stress... gotta love it, well I do not!

Anyway, a little talking from my little C man, and I am at least a little less stressed. For now, at least! ;)

Fun thoughts for today.....

The last two posts were WAY too deep.. time to lighten things up a bit! Here are a few things on my mind....

~~I want to wish an early SUPER HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you girlie (check this out, I am two days early)... you know who you are! I have been thinking about you a ton lately wondering how things are in SoCal!!! I REALLY hope we can hook up somehow after Christmas when we are in NoCal. K & C say "We love you Aunt Johnie!"

~~It is SUCKING big time with Mark working a second job, but it is so short term.. and I can do ANYTHING short term, well maybe not anything, lol.

~~Still no news from DC job... could not happen this week with Thanksgiving. No news does not mean anything one way or another... as we knew it would take time.

~~We are so BLESSED and THANKFUL for a lot of things.... but this year having found an awesome church, it just makes us more thankful! I went to service yesterday w/o Mark for the first time (totally fine too). Last night, I went to the Thanksgiving potluck followed by BEAUTIFUL music from the choir! It was such a great night... and Connor was loving all the attention from the ladies in our small group! They were all such a great help with the kids! They rock!

~~We got our xmas tree Friday night (Lowe's had just gotten them that day)... so not something I am for as I normally refuse Christmas decorations prior to Thanksgiving... but we will be taking the tree down the week before xmas, so why not. It is a BEAUTIFUL tree, I must say. It sucks that we could not go to the tree farm that we have been to the past two years (they are closed this year after the drought of the summer of '07).

~~I cannot WAIT for Turkey Day! OMG, last night got my taste buds warmed up.. and I just want more! Connor will even be having some good eats! We will be having 10 people total at our house (that includes us). Great crowd and number of people if you ask me!! I love opening my house for Thanksgiving... sort of a tradition for us!

Happy Monday!!! :)

Reflecting...

This blog is my journal location... MY place to write anything I desire. This is one reason why I have not shared my blog address with many, not because I am a prude (while some may think.. and if anyone does, sorry but I do not care, lol).. but because this blog is for ME... no one else. I have NO problem with people reading it... people that I have shared my address with.. people who have gotten the adress from those people.. that is totally fine. I have NOT shared this address with my family.. again, it is not because I am a prude... it is because I have things on my heart and in my mind that might not come across right at the time... but that is fine with me... that is the art of journaling. I used to keep a paper form of journalling for myself... I used to have a 'whatever' journal and a bible study journal (high school and college age). Well, both types of journals faded over the years. I journaled while in labor with Kaya (some when I was preggo with her) and have kept a journal(s) of moments in her life as she has grown (now with Connor as well). This is for me more than anything... it is my way of remembering those moments... their first time for something, expressions, reactions to things, travels, etc. I have already referenced Kaya's journal many times to remember specifics on things. My memory is horrible, but I can read things in the journal and be reminded of that moment.. almost like it was yesterday. As I get older... and my gets get older, I hope to keep up with this.... someday, I will give them to the kids... and I know someday (might be when they are parents themselves) they will appreciate reading about themselves when they were young.

Back to ME though. A very dear friend of mine... a VERY wise woman.... a woman who WAS another mother to me (as she was my mother's age and took me in her home at a time when I needed a house to live in as my mother lived in CA while I was in high school... she provided so much more then... she gave me a home)... whom I miss so much... whom I will NEVER forget.... especially as she travelled half way across the country to see me get married when she was so sick and not far from losing her battle to breast cancer.... whom I know is looking at me and smiling... oh, I so wish she had been able to meet my kids............. I could devote an entire post to Stephanie! I miss you and LOVE you so much!

The connection is this... Stephanie was a world traveler (including her only sister living in Hong Kong and having herself lived in many countries). Through her life, she learned so much and WAS very wise about so much. Stephanie told me years ago to keep up with journaling (as I did this when I lived with her already) becuase sometime, I should write a book about my experiences. As a 17-18 year old, I thought... yes, someday I will write a book. As a 30 year old, I wonder how I could sell a book about my life, lol. BUT, I actually think I could... if I were open about things.... see, Stephanie was there for me at a time when I struggled the most in my life... more than I have struggled since.... a time that I trule believe has formed me and prepared me for who I am today. She never judged my choices... she was a friend to me... a very mature friend, one who could provide great insight from a lifetime of her own experiences. Yes, she was a 'mother' to me.... but she was able to be for me what I think is hard for a real mother to do for their daughter.... she was soley my friend. While my mother has had to be the one to raise me, care for me, guide me, etc... I think it is hard to just be my friend. I understand this more now than ever as a mother myself to my daughter.

So to sum uo, lol... I continue to blog.... as this is MY journal for MYSELF. Who knows.... someday... maybe there will my a book about MY life on the NY Times Best Seller list, lol. Anything is possible in this life.... another thing learned from a woman who I was proud to have known.

What did I do before my iPod?!

Really, I love this thing SO freaking much! I have wanted my Apple G5 (or better these days, lol) for so many years b/c Apple is just better... no matter what anyone says! It is true.... of course I realized this mainly through doing design work. While a PC is cheaper and more widely used.... Mac's can do ANYTHING a PC can do... and SOOOOO much more!!!!!!!!! Plus, the biggest bonus with a Mac... little to no worry about viruses, as they are not attacked like PC's. Aww.... someday.... maybe that should be my lofty goal with my MK earnings... hmm, that could motivate me to sell the crap out of stuff!!!

I had been wanting a MP3 for some time, but insisted on an iPod over anything else... as I am an Apple girl (might you.. that is the only Apple product I own, lol.... do you know what a Mac runs?!) My hubby is a good man and DOES listen (some of the time, lol) as this was my Christmas present last year.... and then the Logitech docking station (again, a nice one) for my 30th birthday gift this year. He plays the Pod in the kitchen when he is cooking with Kaya... it is cute... Kaya is starting to learn the songs and tries to sing them (she loves Big Girls Don't Cry and does sing it, lol). I had to go through and make sure some songs that are on iTunes are not on the Pod, lol.

So, I use my Pod a lot... but much more lately.. as we have cut DirecTV right now (temp... but something had to give and better than my $20 per month Internet.. yes that is right only $20 for lowest speed DSL but I can upload/download/webcam anything I need to do.. a bit slower than I would like, but who cares for $20). We have rabbit ears on the TV and get all the network channels in HD (clear as with the DVR receiver hooked up). We WILL be hooking up ASAP as we are both missing the DVR a ton, lol. We just needed for something to give right now and that was the only *extra* we could give up for awhile. I have really enjoyed the less TV time.. as the Internet is my thing more... but the TV is what will keep me from doing a lot more. I have gotten a ton of needed things (and many need to get done soon but would have procrasinated things) done this week.. and not missed anything either!

This brings me to Mark, lol. I was SO mad at him today as he was in DC and looking around the area with the realtor. I had asked him to get a *real* picture of the area as far as housing costs. Well, I was just getting frustrated with him when he called to tell me about this wonderful house they just looked at... yes it sounded wonderful and from the pics.. it IS! Price tag.... wonderfully nuts! Worth it, yes for the area.... for us, no F* way!!! $350K.... not sure how much he thinks he might make, but come on. Anyway, I was mad at him because I wanted to get an idea about what our house would go for there. I am a VERY visual person, so that is what I can use to compare. Might you, the job has NOT been offered... hello I know that Mark (something he kept reminding me... something I have had to remind him about as well, lol). I simply said I needed to get a REAL idea about what we were looking at for a house before agreeing to move... as this move is a bigger deal than our move from CA to TN (a market we knew was less than CA).

Well, after heated words, apologies, and rational talking... he said that no matter what we will go back before he accepts the job (again not offered yet... just get to have the waiting game on that part...sigh). Well, really I don't feel I need to go there before we wouls move... I have been to DC 5+ (not sure how many) times... not in many years, but I know that it is a beautiful area. Hello... DC is an awesome area... I *think* all national museums are still FREE. Now, Mark would work about an hour outside of DC (with traffic) and we might live a little further out (10-15 mins out for Mark). At any rate... I feel MUCH better about the whole unknown after Mark and I finally talked more rationally. I just wanted him to get all he could out of being there today as he could... that meant asking the realtor lots of questions, etc.. not looking at a ton of houses... that will come in due time, if needed.

So, I have a good husband... this I have known for some time. He is a good man and I know that too. I love him more than I even know..... but he knows. He really wants this job... both from a career prospective... but also for our family. I know he is thinking about all of us.... I have to remember that... even if I feel like I am the only one feeling stressed about all that this might mean, I know he is stressed about that too. IF an offer is on the table..... based upon all so far and today...... it is HIGHLY unlikely we will not take it... even if the money is not to the point we are thinking about now. In times where a number of companies have hiring freezes (as Cardinal does), here is one that is doing the total opposite (according to their site, 145 open reqs which was confirmed today based on conversations). It is the pharma industry... luckily not really effected by bad economic times as people need pharmaceuticals no matter what... especially speciality meds, as this company makes.

So, I continue to just let it be... it is what it is, yes that is so true. I am not researching schools and such (as this is something I think about for Kaya is not TOO far from that) YET. I will not do that YET.... not until I need to IF I do. For now, I have looked at home prices and the map of the surrounding area... oh and mapped that we would be 5 hrs to my sis in NC.. that would be cool to have some family that close! Oh, they have an ocean going boat too, lol. K & C would be that close to 3 out of 7 cousins! Train to NYC baby!!! Can we say, come visit me in DC?! OK, Meredith.. focus, lol. I am trusting in the higher plan and what I know God has planned for all of us... there will be plenty of time to worry about everything else.... if needed! I can use any and all prays for my patience though... not my strongest ability, LOL! :)

The meaning of the word "WHY"...

This is likely the most common word used in conversations between Kaya and myself of late! With her 3rd birthday brought her asking "Why" about everything!!! Now, I do true to keep my cool and answer her with a good reason for the 'Why' she is asking about... but there are many times where I say "Because I said SO!!!". One of those things I thought I would NEVER say to my children... might you, I thought this prior to hitting the 'Why' phase of a 3 year old.

So at the same time, I have started asking Kaya "Why did you do (insert just about anything here, ex hit your brother)". The answer I get from her most of the time is "Because I didn't want to hit my brother". This futher frustrates me as I desparetely want her to really understand cause and effect with her actions.

So, the other day I was thinking.... what is the real meaning of the word "Why"?!?! I decided that the meaning in my household right now is a 3 yr old learning about new things and a 30 yr old acting some like a 3 yr old, LMAO. I close with a thought..... "Why ask Why?!"

Mark job update.... he is flying to MD Monday night. He has two interviews in the morning and then an hour long 'seminar' which he is preparing a mock presentation and training session (he even has an activity for all in the seminar to do). He has been working on this most of this past week.... geee, do you think he wants this job or something? LOL After his 'seminar', there will be lunch and then he is going to tour the area with a realtor. We keep looking at home prices with our mouths opened wide compared to what we paid for our house, so we need to have a really good idea what we are looking at... if it comes to that. This move (if the job is even offered) requires a lot more thought than the move to TN (as that was definately a lower cost of living compared to CA). MD is not like CA... but maybe closer now with the whole real estate market fall in CA. Anyway, much to think about..... yet balance in life here and now is my focus! What is meant to be will show itself to us soon enough! Oh, I could still use some prayers... for my sanity, lol.

Once again........

Yes, another potential job for Mark! Surprise, surprise! He had a second phone interview last week, and today he was asked to come interview in person. Where is this job, you ask?!?! In Maryland... about 40 miles outside of DC.... very pricey real estate there, so the salary would have to be a LOT more than current! As Mark and I always say.... we like to change things up ALL the time, lol. The funny thing.... he had really stop looking at jobs... this one sort of found him. We shall see.... he will either be going late this week or sometime next week to interview. I know God has this all worked out for us..... sometimes I just have to laugh at his plan!!!

The time has come......

Yes, Connor is crawling!!!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Halloween FUN!

My little pumpkin and sweet bumble bee!


What a cutie! She was ready for TOTing which she loved!


Awww, Connor bug... TOTing!


Our last trip to the pumpkin patch on Thursday.


Kaya on her first Halloween when she was 2.5 weeks old! This is the same costume that Connor wore (notice the size difference, lol).

Politics Simplified

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is Politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.”


So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, ”Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

Light the Night for Jenna

As it was cool and rainy all night long.... my toe thrubbing... walking in downtown Nashville... past so many places that reminded me of Jenna (especially BB's)...... the weather seemed to express my emotions for me.... I miss you so much Jenna... I love you girl!

PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO CLIP!!

OK, I am stealing this from Rachel's blog as it is SOOOOOOOOOO important!!!!!!!!! Mark and I have just been talking about how I want to get Connor a Britax seat and he is not wanting to spend the money. Mind you, Mark is more anal about proper car seat usage than even me. He puts those things in better than the cops and other people at the car seat safety places, lol. Really, one guy had a really hard time getting Kaya's seat out to check it. I told him that we are beyond anal about that!!!

So, please watch this clip!!!! When I was rear ended in 8/04, I did not have a child in the car (as I was not even pg with Kaya yet). If there had been a child in the back seat, I do NOT want to think about how badly the child could have been hurt. The trunk of my car was pushed into the back seat a lot... the back window was shattered. The force of the accident caused me to lounge forward and then backward so hard that my seat reclined all the way back and the seat belt was all the way out and would not retract.



Here are some facts of interest (stolen from you Rachel, thanks!):
***Rear-facing past the minimum which for TN that minimum is 1 year AND 20lbs. The new recommendation from the APA is 2 years and 30lbs. I know the argument for many is it will break their legs, you choose...legs or necks.
***Keeping child in 5-pt Harness car seat (NOT booster) past the minimum which for TN that minimumis 4 years AND 40lbs. It's just safe for them to be harnessed safely, snuggly in a harness rather than just the seat belt. Watch
***Chest clips should be at arm-pit level.
***Seats should not move more than 1 inch from the belt path.
***Straps should be snug not loose or twisted.
***Shoulder straps should be ABOVE or AT the shoulder if child is forward facing.
***Shoulder straps should be BELOW or AT the shoulder if child is rear facing.
***High back boosters are better than the low backs and children in TN must be 4'9" and 9 to be out of any type of belt positioning booster.
***A car seat does very little good if it's used improperly, which I see 80% of the time.

I know this is a debatible subject, but what is more important than the safety of our children?! I did NOT keep Kaya rear facing until 2, but I should have... she would have been fine not looking forward. I will be doing this with Connor, along with keeping both in the 5 point longer than 40 lbs. I am posting this to pass along the story of a family's tragic loss to educate all of us.

Kicked out of Starbucks?!

Mark and I went on a "date" Sunday night. We went to a movie that started at 10:00, so it is not like my mom had to do anything to watch the kids as they were both fast asleep. Anyway, we went the Starbucks before the movie to get away early. This guy walked in and started going through a trash bag of Sunday newspapers when I thought 'hmm, coupon diving', lol. Mark went through the bag and grabbed the coupons he could find on top. Then we sad down. I told Mark to ask them if we could look through the bag some more (he loves doing my dirty work for me, lol). The lady said 'ok'. So, I was going through the bag getting more and more coupons. Then this other lady comes over to explain that those papers are for the Tennesseean to pick up and give them credit as unused papers. I was like 'opps, do you want me to put the coupons back?'. She said no.

Moral of the story.... I got a butt load of coupons... even if I almost got kicked out of Starbucks!!! LOL

Updates.....

Me: I need to find a new OB-GYN and get an appt soon to have the lump in my breast looked at more. Again, I am not overly concerned at this point, but a further look is peace of mind. Now there is the issue of my foot. I have an appt today with the podistrist where I am likely going to get one toe nail removed. One of my big toe nails is now so infected that I am having a hard time walking on it. It is only a nail I know, but I am still bummed as my toe nails are my vanity thing, lol. I am hoping I have no issues walking Thursday night for the LTN walk... if I do, I am getting a wheel chair or something, lol.

Mark: He had a sleep study the Friday before last where it was determined he does indeed have sleep apnea. He has his follow up appt today with the doc to discuss all the specifics of the appt. I still have this feeling that there is more than just sleep apnea going on... we will take one thing at a time though.

K: We have had a busy week and weekend celebrating the sweet girl's BIG 3rd birthday! We went bowling Friday night and had her pumpkin patch birthday party Saturday night! I will upload pics and post more about my big girl turning 3! I still cannot believe she is so big!

C: My boy is 5 months old now! WOW! I am behind on his letter, but I will post that soon too. He is the smilely boy that he always has been! He is on his second round of antibotics from his 9/22 ear infection. When I took him in last week, his ears were only red... but given K's history of having a hard time getting fully rid of an ear infection, I voted for more meds for C man. He is totally not effected by the whole thing and loves the flavor of his meds, lol. He will be getting some rice cereal soon as I know he is ready for it! For now, I love him just needing me and one bottle for food.

Pics and more posts to come... stay tuned...

Concerned......

Mark and I both had physicals yesterday (still need to do our normal blood work thing as we had both eaten). The doc find a lump on my breast... a fibrous cyst she is certain. I knew it was likely only a matter of time before I would have one (or more with time) of these as my mother has had these for as long as I can remember. My mom always has a biopsy after each mammogram. So far, she has not had any cancerous concerns, but then we all know how big BC (breast cancer) is in woman. While I am not too concerned for myself YET I am still worried about the unknown. You just never know what is really going on in your body today or possibly tomorrow.

Now, something of more concern and top priority is my husband's health. I do not want to go into too much detail yet, not until he has some tests done (that I am demanding this coming week instead of later as originally scheduled).... but today he nearly got into a car accident with myself and both kids in the car... thus heighten my concern.

Please pray for Mark's health... as I am quite worried at this point... not knowing what is going on for sure.

A good man has moved on to more things....

Watch the video clip on the Newman's Own site. Paul Newman was an example of a good person! A person who had wealth and fame and used it for true good!!! Plus he was loyal to his wife when so many in high fame profiles are not. Oh... he was good eye candy too!! :) I am very sad to know he is no longer in this world.
www.newmansown.com/

He also claimed that he never read reviews of his movies.
"If they're good you get a fat head and if they're bad you're depressed for three weeks," he said.

To read more:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/obit_newman

Are you normal about sex?

You Are 70% Normal About Sex

You're so normal about sex, it's a little scary. Your sexual attitudes and experiences match up with most other people. Like everyone else, you're a little naughty and a little traditional. You enjoy sex, but you're not a total freak about it!

http://www.blogthings.com/areyounormalaboutsexquiz
Are You Normal About Sex?

Wordless Wednesday

My BIG girl is in PANTIES!!!!!

Third post for today... watch out!

My sweet girl is officially potty trained!!! Yes, she is in panties full time (minus nap and night time) and has been for 3 solid weeks (this is week #4). She has a few accidents here and there, but fewer each week. After much stress on my part (as I was pushing her more than I should have), I had decided to just let it go as it is so not something to stress over. I also got over the whole in public thing... still hate the whole germ part about it but then she cannot live in a bubble! Anyway, I swear that the very next day after I decided to stop fighting her with the whole thing, she was ready to for panties all the time. Last weekend, I brought back her little potty as I thought that might help more with the #2 (more accidents with this). She is know peeing in the little potty most of the time, but then she empties it into the toilet on her own, lol. I think that is cute! She is such a big girl and I am so proud of her!!! However, I am also sad.... my little girl is seeming more and more grown each day! She is only 2.5 weeks from being 3 years old!!!! She has grown up so much since May!! I know some of that is because she seems more grown up compared to Connor but also some b/c she is all about being the big sis. I also realize that I do not have the alone time with her that I used to have, so she seems to be changing at a faster pace.

Since Connor's arrival, I often think about all the things he does each day... the new things he discovers, etc. At the same time, I realize Kaya has changed so much too!!! I love them both so much and love their interactions.... but I most admit, there are times were I crave more alone time with Kaya. I am planning to take Kaya to the pumpkin patch w/o Connor... I know she will enjoy the alone time with me too! She was cute the other day and ask for me to take her swimming (usually something she does with Mark). I will take girl time with my fav girl ANYTIME!!!

Scary moment....

Ever think about what you would do if your child was in a pool bobbing in the water unable to touch the bottom?? Well, I have wondered how and what I would do in said situation..... but this situation was reality the weekend before last. I was holding Connor when I asked 'where did Kaya go?' and then looked over at the pool to see Kaya's head above water in the middle of the pool. She had jumped into the pool and doggy paddled to the middle... mind you, I did not see her jump in as I had not been looking at the pool b/c she was playing on the water slide. I had told her when we got there not to get in the pool w/o me, but she is used to Patterson where she can just walk into the pool (she still has to have one of us with her as I do not let her go in by herself). Well, the only thought that entered my mind at that very moment was to jump in and get her in my arms, so I handed Connor off to the closest person and jumped in to Kaya. Surprisingly she was doing really good doggy paddling (swim lessons did pay off after all), as she did not cough up a ton of water after I grabbed her. She was scared... I could tell. After having her safely in my arms, I cried and told her not to ever do that again.... reminding her that she had to have myself or Mark with her when she went in ANY pool. Oh, I then realized I had my cell phone in my pocket, lol. The thing dried out and works just fine.

That was one of those moments where I was VERY thankful for the outcome but left wondering 'what if'?! Now, that was the second 'what if' moments in the first two weekends in September, so I am SO done with those moments for a LONG time!!!!! I always try to learn from things, both the good and the bad.... so my take on this moment along with the B&E..... appreciate the little things with my kids (they are healthy along with myself and Mark.... what more can I ask for) as that is all that matters in the end. Of course, I continue to get clouded by the craziness of life..... but I feel very blessed for my two kids, my husband, my extended family and friends that I call family. Hug your babies extra close!

Long time, no blog!

I guess it has been awhile, lol. My blog vacation began with being a little late finishing Connor's 4 month letter (which has been done for a few weeks) and not posting it (still need to do that, lol)... then I made a brief blog about 9/11. August was a hard month for me personally and September has been an extra busy month, so the combo has kept me from wanting to blog at all. At any rate, I am going to sum up on things of late!

Planning and scheduling guru (attempting to get into a better groove of planned things for K's energy level, but C is not the biggest fan of schedules, lol.. still doing a lot more regular activities though), staining the deck, taping a ton of red paint swatches to the living room wall in hopes a color will come to me, average B&E (see below for more),remembering 9/11 and all that day means to USA and myself personally, taking the time to be super goofy with K&C and enjoying C man's full belly laughs, starting to attend a church that all of us really like (K thinks they have candy there a lot... side note, she thinks Jesus looks like Elvis, lol.. that is my girl), going to a GNO at a different church and having a BLAST (hung over the next morning from the Zumba and laughing so much), planning K's bday festivities and Christmas trip (CA and OR bound to see my mom and all of Mark's fam), really enjoying a group picnic with my mom's group (our first big group event in WAY too long). Oh and Mark is out of town this week, so I am single mom for the week, lol. I am enjoying my me time in the evenings minus worrying about another possible B&E while Mark is gone. So, there is the summary, lol. Now to expand on just one, lol.

B&E stands for Breaking & Entering as in our garage was broken into the night/morning of 9/5. All that was stolen were tools (huge Craftsman tool set that I had just gotten Mark for his bday this year and that he wanted so badly so he would not have to borrow tools anymore), cordless drill with all the components including drill bit case (really nice drill too that Mark has had for as long as I can remember) and a gas can with no more than 1 gallon of gas! Who cares at all about the gas can (dumb ass kids) but the other items were bigger of course. It has nothing to do with the items stolen even though it is a good $500+ worth of stuff... $500 deductible on our home owner's, so no claim there.... but we are barely keeping our heads above water financially with me bringing in a $0 paycheck every month, lol. Guess Mark knows what he is getting for Christmas now... we had planned to use xmas money on a SLR but not now I guess. Mark was beyond pissed when he discovered what had happened... fists pounding the table in front of me and Kaya and all. I then calmly took Kaya inside for some tv time and told Mark to call the cops while I went with Connor to a few neighbors to ask if they had heard anything. The shitty thing was that I was awake most of the night (till 3am+) and should have heard something. Anyway, the tools and cordless drill are items that can be replaced, might you not the same ones as they do not sell the drill anymore and the tool kit is not available in the exact set anymore... plus I got that thing BIG time on sale (regularly almost twice the money I paid for it). I began to have a major panic attack thinking about how close my kids doors are to the door leading to the garage and what 'could' have happened. While we are convinced this was the work of some very stupid kids going to use the tools on their cars or something, you just never know. The guy at Home Depot (as we were buying more locks and such to make our house like Ft Knox, lol) said often something like that is from someone you know. Nice thoughts to put into my head A-HOLE!!! Things like this can happen ANYWHERE, but this is our first B&E besides for car break ins (2 or 3 in past). One of my fears is B&E in my home and snatching one of my kids.

So, now Mark and I look at our nice neighborhood through different eyes and for that, I am most pissed about what some people will do just to get some crap w/o paying for it! We have more locks on all doors (Mark is proud of his Ft Knox look going on, lol), we keep the light on outside every night, we are getting our security alarm fixed and I am going to learn to use a gun (something I have wanted to learn for some time anyway... we have a number of weapons in our house and hey, you just never now). I have told Mark that I would likely shot myself in the ass if we had an intruder!!!!!

Always remember....

As an American, I will not forgot this day 7 years ago. We were living in CA at that time, so it was 3 hours earlier than east coast time. Both Mark and were asleep having hit the snooze a few times. I dreamt (or thought it was a dream) that a plane had hit a building (this came from hearing the radio reports from the alarm clock as it would turn out). I awoke to the phone ringing. As I answered the phone (still partly asleep), it was my mom's assistant and she said "Your mom is ok". I said "what do you mean she is ok?". Then after a few moments of conversation and realization that my 'dream' was not that but reality....... I remember complete disbelieve as I watched the tv. I remember thinking I was having an out of body experience. I called into work to see if we would work that day. After hugging Mark extra tight, we both left to our jobs. I got to work where no work was done as we were glued to the radio and internet (we did not have a tv). My boss called in to tell us all to go home in the exact words "today is not a day to work". I spent all day glued to the tv watching this horrible dream unfold.

I spoke to my mom at some point that morning after continued attempts to get a line, all the while worried about her not knowing for sure where she was (her business was with Congressional members, so there was a chance she had been close to the Pentagon). She was in DC on business (which I knew). She was one of those people who was 'stuck' and could not fly out. She was able to rent an SUV with numerous other colleagues, and the drive cross country began. They drove stopping only to pee, etc and to drop off the respected people in the car. It took 48 hours for my mom to get from DC to Sacramento. As I mourned for my country and all that were lost that day, I was thankful my mother's business was not at the Pentagon nor the WTC.

A day I will NEVER forget....... one of those that stands out for so many reasons. I often think of the innocence lost that fateful day. The innocent lives lost along with the men and women trying to save those lives, but also the innocence of an attack on our soil in my lifetime. I am always grateful for all the men and women who fight daily for my freedoms as an American.

Time with my GIRL and ME time!

This was a weekend all about recharging myself!! I had a ROUGH week and desperately needed to detox and recharge!!! I am happy to say it was a BIG success!!! It started early with taking a nice relaxing bath Thursday night, then Friday I had some much needed time with just Kaya, thanks to a friend watching C man for a few hours (thank you so much again!!!). It is amazing how just a few hours can help me feel better about being a mom to Kaya!! After dropping Connor off, we went to Wendy's to eat just us girls, then we headed to Super Target. We had to get a bday present for Kaya's friend Ellie's tea bday party Sat morning. While we just did those two things, it was so FUN to just be the two of us. I love Connor to pieces and did miss him, but I really do miss time with just Kaya. A must that we will do more and more. Friday night, we all headed over to another friends to hang out and eat pizza! Kaya had a blast playing with the girls as all the adults played poker and chatted for hours! I had a lot of fun and really want to do that more and more too!

Saturday morning came the tea party which I left Connor home with papa as Kaya and I went on our way. Let me just say... I am so doing a tea party for Kaya on her 5th bday! It was SOOOO cute and so fun!!! My friend's mom said she is at my disposal when I need help for Kaya's tea party, lol. You better believe I will be taking her up on that one! Saturday night we all went out to eat and to B&N for new books for all (well, except Connor... poor guy, lol). I bought a book for $5 and read all 285 pages before I went to bed last night!!! It was really good! A murder mystery in suburbia among soccer mom's!! My fav books are murder mysteries and this one I could so relate to... ok maybe not the murder part, but all the mom stuff, lol. Anyway, I am getting back into reading! I really love to read books, but I just seem to forget to get more to read. I need to go to the library to check out a bunch of Patricia Cornwell's (one of my fav authors).

Then came Sunday as I had planned for my "ME" afternoon with Mark. He took both kids to run a few errands and CEC. I had about 4 hours to myself!!! It was wonderful!!! I napped a little, read my book a little, did a little of just whatever my heart desired, and showered. Botton line.... I did only what I wanted to do and ignored everything else!!! This is another thing that I so need more of! Mark and I have talked a LOT about this such subject and how we each would plan to have our alone time along with time with each kid one on one... all talked about while pg with Connor... we are just a little slow on the implentation!

While my house is a mess and laundry is in full time motion....... it is all GOOD! I am recharged and ready for all of it! An excellent weekend to help me gain more prespective on how lucky I really am...... but how I need some help from time to time to help recharge!!

Oh, I do NOT think so LADY!

So, tonight I was watching the Olympics... women's platform diving prelims. This Aussie diver was diving as they went to the audience to show the gold winner in same event from Sydney (also an Aussie). The male commentator said something like 'she was not able to defend her gold as she got bet out by the two Aussie divers here at Beijing'. Then the woman commentator opened her blow hole and said "it was just too much to ask her to be ready for Beijing after having her second child". Oh, I do not think so... chick, did you or did you not watch this lady win SILVER at what age... yes 41! Making her the OLDEST Olympic winner (I was thinking in the world, but I cannot find the stat now.. in at least America).


I just thought that comment was so basis and just wrong for a WOMAN to say about another woman. I hope that Aussie (sorry I forgot all the names, lol) goes on to dive in London and wins a medal!!!! If anything having a kid or two makes you MORE determined than ever! I know a number of women who ran their first marathons after two kids!!! Ha lady! LOL

SIDE note... I LOVE, LOVE the Olympics!!!! I told Mark that I really want to focus on us going to the games in London... after all, he has family there, so we totally need to go!!!! That would be just amazing to do!

Before and After.... oh times have changed!

As I sat in the Kroger parking lot tonight at 12:30am (technically, it was this morning, lol) I realized something.......

Before children.... going to the grocery store at this time was NO big deal and something I did without even thinking twice to get a few groceries... usually wine, lol.

After children..... this same activity was to get diapers, a snack and the Sunday paper, but mainly to get some "me" time listening to MY music loudly while reading through the ads in the paper.

I realized all of this as I saw young couples pull into the parking lot looking at my likely wondering 'is that lady nuts or what!!'....... as I thought 'you just wait.. your time will come'......oh, yes times have changed!! ;)

ALARMING!!!

This past Friday we went to an event at StoneCrest about childhood obesity pervention sponsered by, get this, Cartoon Network (now that seems like an oximoran). See more of the Get Animated tour at: http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/promos/getanimated/

Well, the stats on childhood obesity made me extremely sad and ill. Here are a few that just made me SUPER ill:
1) There are MORE than 9 MILLION children over 6 years of age that are considered obese!! Yes, 9 MILLION!
2) 70-80% of obese children and adolescents will become obese adults.
3) Of obese children ages 5-10, 61% have at least one risk factor for heart disease and 25% have two or more. (This is something I am very concerned about given my horrible family history of heart disease)

Mark is no small man, I know, but he was fairly big as a child thus he had a poor start with his weight. He did not spent a ton of time outside running around getting excercise. Where I was always outside until as late as possible (likely because I was so annoying that my mom and sisters couldn't stand it, lol). From the beginning of Kaya eating real food, Mark has been the one that is more careful of what she eats (like getting no sugar added jelly as opposed to regular full sugar added jelly). As far as being outdoors, I am the biggest pusher of that one as I am very much an outdoors person (even in this nasty heat... we have to get out for a few hours or I go nuts, lol). At any rate, we are fans of doing everything we can to help Kaya (and Connor) get a good start in terms of excercise and nutrition. Oh, we benefit from that too b/c we eat better and get some excercise too!

There are walks with the OAC (Obesity Action Coalition) all around the country. The one in Nashville is on September 20th which the four of us will be walking. You might see any email from me to ask for donations later. Here is that link: http://www.walkfromobesity.com/

My friend Chandra and her son Ryan were interviewed on this video clip from the local news. Kaya and myself are in the background of the clip too, lol. http://www.wkrn.com/global/story.asp?s=8775888 The woman interviewed with a blue shirt on, Pam Davis (I believe) was 160 pounds heavier. She had gastro surgery and is now in a job to help others that were just like her years ago. We talked for awhile as I shared how important this issue is to my family. I told her that Mark had given up soda about 5 months ago and has lost 30+ pounds (he has not been weighed in 2.5 months, so likely more). She shared a simlar story of her 18 year old son who did the same and lost 25 pounds.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of these stats and links. :)

Connor Bug, you are 3 months old!

Connor Bug, you are 3 months old today!!! We have given you that nickname after your Papa came up with Bam Bam when you were born, and I did not care for that one. It fits very well for now, but we will see if any other ones surface!

WOW! Your 3rd month has been a busy one!! You have accomplished so many things! We started with having your 2 month check-up the day you were 2 months old, as mentioned in your last letter. Dr. Rosser said there were two things he would like to see by your 4 month check-up. 1) roll over in one direction & 2) grab at objects in front of you while laying down (like while on your gym mat). Check, check… both items accomplished before you were even 3 months old! You smile and laugh all the time! People comment on this when they see you, even strangers. You discovered your hands soon after turning 2 months, and you have been fascinated with them since! You would look at both hands, often holding them together, and get cross eyed studying the movement of these things! As far as rolling over, you decided to roll from your back to tummy first (usually tummy to back is done first and is considered easier)! You managed this feat on 7/17 while we were at the splash park for a birthday party. You were lying on a towel that was on a bit of a hill, so I thought that might have helped you a bit. Then you did the same a few more times on the bed and such. However, on 7/24 you did this completely unassisted and all on your own! Soon after, you rolled from your tummy to back. I was completely amazed and a little nervous thinking about how soon you might be crawling…. after all you are only 3 months old! Towards the end of your 3rd month, you started grabbing at toys dangling from your gym mat and bouncy seat. You love to study the toy intently and seem to rejoice when you get a grasp on it, as you do not let go for awhile. You also started groaning or grunting (depending on who you ask what the sound is)!! It is the cutest thing listening to you experiment with your voice and to see your reaction! I have managed to capture some of this on video! Last week, you had your first bath with your sister which both of you enjoyed!

You now go to bed for the night right after your sister and are in bed by 8:00ish. You sleep until 6:00-6:30… 10-10.5 hrs at night! It is stated that at this age, you need 14 hrs of sleep in a 24 hour period, so you do not nap much during the day. You pretty much take two naps (one in the morning and one in the afternoon) each 1-2 hours with a few cat naps in between. Of course, yesterday you took a 3 hour nap after playing outside much of the morning! Some days, you seem to be tired and in need of more sleep, but you also love your quiet alert time! At night, you are pretty much able to put yourself to sleep most nights. Your Papa rocks you to sleep when needed, and I think he misses doing this every night. During the day, I have discovered that you do better getting to sleep on your own instead of other means, as well. You love to suck on your index and middle fingers (you look like a rock star) and in doing so, you are able to put yourself to sleep better than me trying to rock you in my arms while you smell the good eats. You seem so much longer and heavier to me! I definitely notice this when I am feeding you. You do so well when we are away from home. The movement of the car almost always puts you to sleep and you enjoy looking around at the different surroundings. You still enjoy your swing, but not as much as when you were smaller. You love just chilling in the bouncy seat or on the floor. I can lay you on the floor and you end up moving around in a circle or roll over back and forth. Your sister loves to give you toys! She will hand them to you and say “here Connor, play with this”. It is very cute!

I love you so much Connor bug!! I really enjoy each day with you and love seeing your new discovers through your eyes!!


Boy, you have grown!

The look on your face as you study a toy to grab and hold onto!

Look at you go!

Oh yeah.... forgot to mention....

"Sorry" is what the recruiter responded when Mark replied to his first email stating the SC company wasn't going to pursue Mark for this position. I actually think that is a very good response. I know he is limited in what he can/cannot say for his client. While the recruiter may think Mark is the perfect fit for that job (possibly he doesn't really feel that way too), the company makes the call. It is all SO good though!! Mark got the email this afternoon, and both of us were like "so what", lol. We were over the whole thing last Friday when they turned him down then changed their mind... that whole process was nuts... not really a company Mark wants to work for anyway. We laughed though... the recruiter said "if they don't read my notes I provide them (on candidates) then I am just a resume filter for them". I bet that happens a lot... which is not right at all.

hehehehehehe... I am VERY happy we are not moving... the timing just isn't right! So........ until the next Lovell drama, LMAO.

Oh... Connor bug!

Yes, that is Connor's offical nickname "BUG". Kaya is "Boo" or "Boo Boo".... usually it is "Kaya boo". Mark wanted "bam bam" for Connor... he thought Boo Boo and Bam Bam sounded good together.... not so much if ask me. I think I was the one that started calling him "Connor bug" and it has now stuck with Mark too.

So.... as I was typing some emails and posts... while Connor was hooked to the tap for food, lol.... and I was thinking, dang my arm is hurting and this is hard with one hand....... then I looked down after he was done.... and this was the face looking back at me....


All I have to say is...... all the stresses in my life (high number of those right now) do not mean SHIT b/c of that smile! One smile..... that is all I need! I love you Connor bug!!!!!!!!!!!

"I like big butt's and I cannot lie"

Just read to the end.... the moral of the story is SO true!!!!!

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with his donkey that he entered it in another race, and won again, it kept winning over and over again. The local paper read: 'Pastor's Ass Out Front'

The bishop was so upset by this kind of publicity, that he ordered the pastor not to enter his donkey into any more races. The next day the paper read: 'Bishop Scratches Pastor's Ass'

This was too much for the bishop, so he told the pastor to get rid of the donkey. So the pastor decided to give the donkey to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing the news, posted the following headline the next day: 'Nun Has Best Ass In Town'

The bishop fainted! He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey. So, she sold it to a farmer for $10 bucks. The next day the paper read: 'Nun Sells Ass for $10 Dollars'. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains, where it could run wild and free.

The next day the headlines read: 'Nun Announces Her Ass Is Wild And Free'

The bishop was buried the next day...


The moral of the story is.

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier, and live longer. Have a nice day!!

Remember.....

to take things with stride, lol! Mark had the phone interview yesterday and it went ok. He actually does not really care what the outcome is anymore, lol. After the way they have handled things, it is not as appealing to us as it once was. I am actually HAPPY about everything! The idea of moving away from here (from the friends that are like family and from this house that I want to live in much longer, lol) is just not what I want at all! So, Mark is looking for opps with his current job and as fate would have it... there just might be something quite soon, lol. If the SC company comes back and wants to fly him there to interview, he will still go... and then we will think about all of that then.

For now, I am moving full force ahead with staying right where we are! This includes visions of paint colors that do not only include neutral colors!! I so want some red... so why not go for it! We are still undecided about how to do the kitchen and dining area, but we are close to decided and might start tackling that. The living room... well, that is where I want my red wall, but I am still unsure about which wall. My theory is..... it is PAINT! Totally re-doable, LOL. Like the hall bathroom... that is SO getting re-painted and SOON!

So, the Lovell gang is planning to stay put!! We are here to stay, whether you like it or not!!!! ;)

Breathe... just breathe...

I am not surprised that yet again we are faced with a mountain of decisions all at one time... seems to be our mo. After a very nice weekend with my dad, sister and her two kids, Monday has arrived and Mark has his next interview with the company in South Carolina. Side note... Kaya had a BLAST playing with her cousins! I loved watching them play and interact.. as it happens so little, so I really cherish those times! After some crazy drama on Friday when Mark received an email from the recruitor stating the company would not pursue Mark, he received an urgent call only a few hours later telling him they wanted an interview after all, lol. I guess they were not impressed with Mark's degree from UOP as it is known to be the place where you buy your degree, lol. While this might be partly true, it is also an easy way to get a degree as a worker professional. Anyway, after talking with my mom about this, she helped remind me that many southern conservative companies look for degrees from 'real' universities because of their traditional ways. My mom had to do major convincing for Wachovia (Charlotte based) to go after UOP loans because of the volume and money there. Anyway, the recruiter basically fought for Mark and told them that they would be nuts not to look at Mark because he works for a major pharma company and has moved up in it while this company is super small. Alas, Mark has his interview today.

While the job has not been offered yet, we cannot help but think about what to do if it is offered. There are a number of things in limbo until we know if we are moving or not... including my return to work or not. Meanwhile, money is super tight... so that adds to the stress. I am trying to sit and wait patientally... but I am so not good at that!

One year & 100

WOW... one year ago from this date, I was composing post #1 and now I am doing post #100 today!!! Here is to 100 more mindless posts of my crazy mind..... happy reading!

Holy SHEEP!

Connor has offically rolled over from his back to his belly! He technically did this for the first time last Thursday at the splash park and has done it a few times since, but I have thought he had some help (i.e. the hill at the park, soft surfaces like the bed). Well, just a little while ago... he was flat on his back on the floor and yep... all the way over. So, Kaya accomplished this when she was 4.5 months old (she had the belly to back roll when she was only 5 weeks), and I was so excited and happy then..... now, all I say is HOLY SHEEP! Rolling over leads to crawling which leads to constant battle between his sister, lol. Also, he is just too young for this to happen!! It is funny how I am much more in the moment with him and just content with what he is doing now and not worried about the next milestone to reach. Still... I say HOLY SHEEP! LOL

Who knew?!

Short and sweet..... when you have a baby that doesn't blow out of diapers all the time, you can buy cheaper diapers, LOL! I am getting 40 more diapers for the price by getting Pampers Baby Dry vs. Pampers Swaddlers. With Kaya, I tried every diaper under the sun... generic, Luvs, Huggies and Pampers (both kinds of each), and the only ones that kept the nasty's in most of the time were the Swaddlers then Cruisers. Connor is more of a normal kid in the bm department (not off the charts like his sister was and still is), so the other day when I went through the diapers that I received that were not Swaddlers... I discovered the other Pampers and they work great!

It has been a slow week... seeing how I am so excited about this discovery, lol. My dad, sister and her two kids will be here tomorrow around noon! Kaya is SOOO excited... she kept talking about having one chain left on her 'count down' this morning (thanks for the idea Aunt Alligator... aka my sister, Allison). I love seeing the cousins together!!! That is part of what being a kid is all about!! With this pending company, I have been getting ready for that and chilling inside so I don't die of a heat stroke. Today is Kaya's last day of school (as they made me pay them this week... oh well). Yesterday, Connor and I had lunch with Margie (yummy and awesome company). Last night I made cookies for Kaya's class today and for the firefighters (so late on that one). Besides for that, I have been working to de-cat my house as my sister and dad are allergic, awesome, lol. Oh, still no major news on the job in SC... the company has his resume and are supposed to contact him before the eod tomorrow re: the next interview. Limbo land continues...

Keeping my eyes on the big PICTURE!!

Dang, I have cute kids....



With the last post, I wanted to be reminded of the big picture! Some stress now means so little compared to having my family with me. I got a letter yesterday from a friend in Iowa thanking me for the sympathy card that I mailed to her after her 22 month old daughter died tragically. The letter was so upbeat and positive. They have been able to find some major strength with God throughout everything. It made me sad and at peace all at the same time while reading the letter.

Side note... I asked God to come into my life 14 years ago, and I have never looked back. Throughout the years, I have never lost sight of my relationship with God, but I have not remained as strong as I would like. We have been talking aboout church hopping lately to find the right fit for us. Mark has been the one pushing for this more (as he misses a church family just as much as I do), and we were set to go last Sunday until I was up until 4:30am after Saturday night, lol. This Sunday, we will be going to a church close to our house and go from there. I am a believer that you do not have to attend an organized church to be full with God (as I have been for many years), but I do crave a church family at the same time. Plus, it is important to us to have this for our children.

Nice side effect of STRESS!!

So, I have had some nasty stomach cramps here and there over the last week. Last Sat night while hosting Bunco at my house, my stomach was hurting pretty bad. Well, Connor was barfing like mad at the same time, so I determined that was likely food I had eaten. Well, I have actually been eating pretty healthy this week (salads and such) with some not so great foods. Last night at Jennifer's baby shower, I was almost doubled over in pain. Connor was fine with his tummy. Conclusion.... S-T-R-E-S-S!!!!!!! Like I can do anything about that, LOL.

I told Mark that he likes to stress me out about things, lol. I know it doesn't like to.... but seriously! It is not like this is the first time I have ever been stressed about a potential move, but this time seems to be more difficult to wrap m brain around. Once again, the job is not his yet, but I cannot help but think about the 'what if we move' stuff. 1. get the house ready to sell 2. move to Columbia into a corporate apartment (and leave my support system in TN and develop new one) 3. sell the house in TN 4. buy a house in the Columbia area 5. move into new house. All in 3 months time?? Holy Sheep!!!!!! I guess that completely explains my stomach cramps!! I think I need to buy some stronger TUMS!!!

I am feeling CRAZY!!

I have Patsy Cline's 'Crazy' in my head!! Wondering what that last post was about, lol?! Well, things are still in the prelim phase, but there is the potential that we will be packing up and moving once again. There is a lot of stuff going on with work for Mark, so he is concerned about his future (not about his job but about being promoted anytime soon). Instead of waiting around to see how the dust settles, he is checking out his options. One of those options consisted of a phone interview with a recruiter last night. Obviously this is only the start and there is nothing to get excited/stressed about yet... but I cannot help but have these emotions. Probably because we went through the whole move thing when Kaya was 4.5 months old... it has only been 2 years and 3+ months!! Now we have another one (Connor is 2.5 months.. the timing is interesting, lol). Come on, honey... I am not an Army wife, LOL. Anyway, this job in question would be an incredible opportunity and what Mark should be doing now anyway, plus it would be a huge pay increase... that always helps. It is in Columbia, South Carolina which looks absolutely beautiful. I must say Jacy.. it does look like an awesome city. I believe you when you say it!! Close to a lot of things... 1.5 hrs to the ocean (yay there), less than 2 hrs to Charlotte (I could stalk Jr, lol), less than an hour to Darlington (race), easy driving distance to my sister in NC and even back here. The whole idea of it just seems NUTS to me though! There will not be much to decide if he is offered the job... after all, what is keeping us here?! Well, damn it... I feel like I have established myself well here, and it was just getting better!! I have developed some awesome friendships and really love living here! As Mark says, yet another spot on the map you will always have friends.... so true. I have close friends at every corner of the country, lol. Nice for road trips... I can likely find somewhere to stay along the way, lol.

So for now, we wait and stress, lol. The recruiter is this company's exclusive recruiter, so he knows them well. He told Mark that he looks like the perfect fit for the job and company (but what else would he say, I guess). Oh, there are relocation benefits offered as well, which would pay for the entire move and temp housing for a few months... huge help for sure! The whole house selling here thing is another story, lol. They also give each employee a membership to Gold's Gym... nice perk if you ask me! I wonder if they offer spouse memberships, LOL. The next phone interview (with the company) will be next week (as the person is on vacation this week). If they ask him to come for an interview in person, that is almost a guarantee that the job is his. Until then, I am going to ATTEMPT to not think about it!! Wish me luck with that, lol. This might require a few bottles of wine!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!

That is all I can get out right now! More to come!!

Groove Thing!!

I am getting my groove on, LMAO. Me saying that is completely hilarious all in itself!!! I feel like I am getting the hang of this two kid thing, lol. I have good days and bad ones, like all mom's, but sometimes I really wonder what the f*ck I am doing, lol. So, today I started out with breakfast and coffee (the eating thing is a heck of a miracle drug right there, lol). I have proceeded to check many things of my list for the day... and I have managed to get in lots of Kaya and Connor time. It is funny what breakfast and organization can do for a girl!! ;)

Screw grocery stores!!!

So with all the flipping issues with fresh food anymore, I am all about this gardening thing, LOL. I have given Mark such a hard time about the garden... between the prelim days of him stirring the dirt (crazy to see a man out there prepping his dirt, lol), then him planting and replanting due to freeze, and then the garden getting out of control!! All of this said though, we have been enjoying fresh zucchini(never did get that zucchini bread made, lol), summer squash, carrots and tomatoes (mainly cherry ones that Kaya eats like candy, lol). Saturday, I enjoyed a salad with fresh regular sized tomatoes and carrots. OMG!!! I know why Mark always said he hated to eat tomatoes from the grocery store b/c he always had fresh ones from the garden!! There seriously is no comparision! The are so full of flavor... juicy, dang they were SO good. Oh, carrots too! I had never had my own garden grown carrots... again, the flavor is amazing!!!

So, Mark wants to make another garden box for next year, so we can plant more. I was very opposed to this idea as I do not want more of the yard chewed up, but I have completely changed my mind! Plant away honey! Oh, I have apologized to Mark for being such a pain about the garden and anti-support, LOL. I might be a nagging wife at times, but I do try to admit when I am wrong (happens so rarely though, LMAO).

Please go away mama!

This is what my 2.5 year old said to me this morning.... well at least she said 'please'!!!

Sleep baby, sleep!!

So.... as soon as I rave about Connor's sleeping, it is over, LOL. He has not been doing so well in that department since his shots on Thursday. Yes, he slept like made that afternoon and night... since, not so much! He has been up multiple times each night... and not sleeping as much during the day. Kaya was always (and still is) better at sleeping at night if she napped well during the day! That is how Connor seems to be as well. I am that way too, lol. Really though, I definitely sleep better each night if I slept good the night before. Better sleep when well rested is my theory.... versus a baby/kid sleeps better if they skipped their napped thus more tired or something. That might work for some kids, but not mine.

Anyway, Connor was literally awake today from 9:30am until 3:00pm when I took him for a long car ride! He napped a little here and there between that time, but did not really sleep. Now, I do remember taking many a car rides to get Kaya to sleep, so this is nothing new....... this could just get a little pricey with AC running and gas at $4/gallon!!!

Reason #101.....

why you can get a house that has been neglected CHEAP!!! OK, so our house was only 4 years old when we bought it this past November, so the neglect is really minimal. In fact, I am always impressed with how good of shape the house is in after hearing more horror stories about some people who rented the house for awhile. Man arrested... long story, lol. But still!! Yes, the entire house on the inside could use to be painted (well, minus the 3 rooms we have done so far... take that back, the hall bath needs to be re-painted b/c I hate the color, lol) as the paint the original contractor's paint (overall, this paint is in better condition than the brand new rental we lived in before though). There are a number of little things that need to be done to the house as well (part of the porch needs to be re-built, screens need to be re-placed... just to name a few).

Well, this weekend I learned reason #101.... that is that yard work MUST be kept up in order to have anything that looks good and is easy to maintain!! It is not like I didn't know this or anything... also knew that we needed to do some serious work with the yard, landscaping, etc. This all just just became very apparent to me this weekend!!! I spent 2 hours on Sat. and 4+ hours yesterday (still not a ton of time, I know) weeding and mowing. This was the first time I have mowed this yard (as I got a wild hair up my ass and told Mark I would do it). This allowed me the up close view of how crappy our crabby grass is, lol. We have sections of the yard that have great grass, but most of it is weeds. We have this issue with getting grass to grow where we want it to grow and not getting it to grow where we don't want it to grow (say that one ten times fast, lol).

Oh... and while all of my neighbor's were planting this Spring and watching the fruits of their labors grow....... I was busy growing a baby and laboring a 9+ pound baby!!!! Yes, I watched many neighbor's plant away thinking 'damn, I would love to get all this landscaping done now' but hello I was the size of a whale!!! Now, that I actually have the energy and desire to get this all done, it is HOTTER than hell, plus not really the time to plant anything, lol.

OK, I am done with that vent... I feel better, lol! At least my two flower beds are weed free at this moment.... give 'em a week though! Remember, neglect is a bitch on the outside too!! Everywhere (including the yard) needs soil, soil, and more soil (damn rocks everywhere) and black paper laid down before I do anything else. Until then, I will attempt to keep the weeds from eating us, lol.

Fever 4th Baby!!

I have been singing "Give me Fever" like Elvis all morning, LOL. Kaya has had 102.5+ since being at the doc yesterday morning. Doc is thinking it is just a stomach bug, but I cannot help but think about e. coli from Kroger beef that is being recalled (that we have consumed all week, lol). Really, I am not too worried about that as we cook our beef until it is good and brown. She was up a good amount of the night... just from being so dang hot even with meds in her. Then Connor has a slight temp (nothing over 100.1) from his shots yesterday. Good times!!!! "Give me fever" on the 4th baby!!

We are going to attempt the fireworks at MTSU tonight. Mark is usually super anti the crowds at big firework shows... preferring to have our own little show at home, but he is totally on board with me. I LOVE big firework shows!! We will see how it goes... depends how whining the little ones are tonight. Then we *might* have our own firework show at a friends house afterwards.

Happy 4th the everyone!!! Take some time to celebrate all that America is and our freedom for being in the awesome USA!!!

2 months old ~ my sweet boy!!!

WOW, you are two months old today Connor!! Today is your cousin Violet's 2nd birthday too!! We had your two month check up with Dr Rosser this morning as well! You weigh 11 lbs, 7 ounces and are 23.25 inches long! Your head is 41.5cm around! That puts you at 50% for weight, 70% for length and 80% for your head!! In two months, you have gained 2 lbs, 6 ounces and grown 2 inches!!! I would say you have been busy growing!! You had your first round of multiple shots today too! You screamed your little head off when the nurse put the shots in, but then you settle down pretty fast! Your sister had no issues when you screamed. You have been asleep since we left the doctor's office about 1.5 hrs ago!

You are such a sweet and happy boy!! You really are the sweetest boy I know!! You smile all the time... seem to smile most for your mama, good boy!! You love it when papa gets home and you hear his voice! You are cooing a lot too! That has all been happening for about 3 weeks. I have been giving you more tummy time which you are ok with (not your most favorite thing, but a little time is ok with you). You are holding your head up a lot too. You amaze me with your sleeping at night. Oh, you are in your crib now (since the night of 6/20). You are ready for bed around 8-9 (which is fine with me). Fairly consistently you are sleeping 6-7 hours before waking to eat then back to sleep for 3 hours. Then you are really awake a lot of the day with all that sleep! You will usually take one good 2 hour nap during the day, and then you cat nap 2-4 times a day for 30 minutes-1 hour. In all, you are getting the amount of sleep recommended at your age (14-18 hours/day). Some days it just seems like you do not sleep much at all, but I forget about the sleep you get at night. I am not complaining though!! You are still eating 8 times a day. Here and there, you will sneak in one more feeding, especially on hot days when we are out a lot. Most of the time, you are super easy to put to bed too. For night time, you want to be in your night gown, then swaddled and can be laid in bed while still awake (some nights it takes some holding from your papa). Either way, he sings to you. During the day, I will admit... the swing is the best thing to get you to sleep. Sometimes you will fall asleep after eating and when I lay you down you wake up. No matter what though, it doesn't seem to take much. There are three things that make you cry a lot... need to eat, need a new diaper and you have gas. Besides for that, you really are pretty happy and content!!

You have had a number of bottles now! You took to a bottle like a champ! It does not seem to matter where you get your boob juice, just as long as you get it! I gave you a bottle for the first time last night. Your papa has given you all the other ones. Your sister likes to help with this as well! You have come to love being in the car. You used to fuss more on car rides, where now you seem to love the motion (even if you are not asleep). You still love the swing and will often just swing in it for 30+ minutes looking around. You love to just lie on a blanket on the floor too. You seem to be looking at things further away too. Oh, you love to look at the polka dots on the bumper in your crib! I think the color dots with the light background contrast are striking to you! Your sister loves you to pieces! She always wants to know where you are at if she cannot see you. We have gotten her to kiss you on your head or toes most of time, which she does a ton! When you cry, she still likes to let us know if we do not respond right away. She seems to have gotten over being over protective of you... now she will let other people talk to you and such, lol.

Since you are sleeping now, I will take pics of you later today and get them posted soon. I love you Connor, my sweet boy! I love being your mama!! I have loved these past two months as you have grown and changed!!!!

Updated with pics on 7/15/08:



Connor had his shots that day, so he was not the happiest boy on the block. I did capture his way of sucking on his fingers though!!

I have lost 40 pounds!!

Dang that is a lot of weight!!! That is what I have lost since giving birth to Connor almost 2 months ago. Of course, I gained 60 pounds while preggo with him, so you do the math, LOL.

Happy Birthday Grandma!!

60 years old, really?!?!?! We hope you are having a wonderful time on your Alaskan cruise!!!! Kaya and Connor are sending lots of virtual kisses and hugs!!!

"Hey Baby"

Yes, those are words that I will forever hear in my head from you, Jenna!! Oh, and "Hey" the way you would say it on the phone..... the same way you said it that last time I talked to you (the night of 6/26/07). I have so many wonderful memories of you... and for that I am truly thankful and know I am a better person for your impact! Thank you for so much! I miss you and love you dearly!

Yes, it has been one year from today that we all lost such an incredible person. One year of tears, smiles and laughs as we remember all the moments... the good and the bad. One year from a day where many of us know exactly what we were doing at that moment we found out Jenna had died. For me, I spoke to Jenna on 6/26/07 on my way home from work. Her mom and the kids had just gotten to Vandy to see her, so I told her I would let her enjoy that time and that I would call her back later that night. I got home that evening and walked to the back yard where Mark and Kaya were at... and said to Mark "I do not know what I will do if I lose Jenna". God was attempting to prepare me for the morning to come. Well, I did not call Jenna back that night as I fell asleep on the couch (I will always wished I had called her like I said I would... but I know she knew I was thinking of her too.. and I am thankful I heard her voice that night earlier). Morning came and I wasn't at work for long when my cell phone rang. It was Chandra telling me that things were not good at all with Jenna. She didn't have all the details but asked if I would post on our board that she needed hard core prayers! She and Barbara were headed to Jenna's house to be with all the kids while Mark and Janna went to the hospital. I spoke to Chandra at least one other time that morning to get updates as they were known. I was also checking the blog that Jenna's sister had started to raise money and give updates. I do not remember the exact time I read the words "Jenna has died" on the site, but I do remember time stopping. It was one of the moments were nothing matter at all. I got up from my desk and went to my lead with tears rushing and my body trembling and just said "she died, I have to go outside". I called Chandra and just said "Is it true?"... hoping so hard that I had mis-read and she said "Yes". She was with all the kids (including Jenna's who did not know about their mom at that point), so she could not call to tell me nor say much. Her and I shared tears... more mine as she had to fight them back for Jenna's kids.

I just remember silence.... I was outside and there was no noise. No birds chirping... no people talking... nothing. Soon a coworker came to join me and just let me fall apart all the while holding me tight. I called Mark who was just down the street in the other building to update him. I couldn't even get the words out.

While a year as gone by... the tears and pain are still there. The shocking pain is not there as much, but there are still moments where I expect her to just show up... especially for a night out! She loved to have our girls nights and just do whatever! There are many more smiles and laughs when I think of Jenna.. oh the stories and good times, thank God for those moments. When I think of of Ashlee, Kaitlin and Jake... the pain is just so intense. Jenna pour everything into them and took so many pictures of their lives together. I so hope the girls will always be able to really remember their mom, and Jake... oh Jake. I was able to see the kids the other day along with Janna. All three of the kids were happy and Janna talked about how well they were doing. It was sureal to see them. Death is part of life, and life does go on... but at the same time, it seems like life has paused for a year.

Today is about celebrating Jenna's life though, so tonight a number of us are going to La Siesta to celebrate with macho margaritas and queso dip!! Jenna and I shared a love for La Siesta and went together on a number of occasions. I loved sharing the queso dip with her but still have not gotten into margaritas. I will never forget the night she went for 3 (yes that is 3) of the macho margaritas as shown in the pic below. She was really done after #2 and had very little of #3... but dang that is still a lot of liquor. Also shown in the pic is one of the many drunk calls she made that night, LOL. We had a blast!! I hold onto that night with a smile! I am looking forward to more smiles and laughs tonight as we all share more stories of you Jenna!

B&B (Bath & Baby)

Who knew taking a bath with an 7.5 week old baby could be so therapatic!! As I was about to get in the shower today, I just decided to take a bath with Connor instead! This is something I never would have thought to do with Kaya when she was so little... I guess I am way more relaxed now and open to such things just because! Well, it helps to not have bad postpartum too... that helps with enjoying the little things for sure.

Of course, I took my first bath with Kaya awhile ago... post Connor being born. That was super sweet too! Just something fun and playful to do every once in awhile... just because.

OK... OMG, I sound like a sick child molester, lol. Oh well, I don't care... I have enjoyed more and more simple things with my kids lately, and I am proud of it! :)

Sersiously!!!

Someone is really going to get hurt now, LOL!!!!! I finally talked with my 'boss' at work today and she was just rude! Basically, she called me a liar (not directly) and seemed to want to fire me on the spot (feeling I got for sure) claiming I have no idea what I am talking about with this whole TN law re: maternity leave!! WTF?! I know what I can read and I am flipping right, so back off!! Bring it on!! Mark is all about them firing me.... b/c then the company would get slapped with a fat lawsuit and that would be an easy win, lol. Mind you, this is the company he works for as well, LMAO!!

Seriously, it just floors me the balls or lack there of that some people have!!! I talked with her on my way to the movie at Opry Mills this morning... I was fuming after talking with her but didn't let it ruin my day. She said "I will be in touch soon" after she told me that I was most likely completely wrong as she understand the laws of FMLA. No shit, sherlock!!! FMLA is 12 weeks... got it, I am done with that. My job is protected for 4 months per this TN law. I have the piece of paperwork... that is all I need!! Bring it on!!! Oh, I did not hear back from her today... hahaha... wonder if she found out I am right after all!!!!!

Foggy waters.... searching for clarity...

Well, that is an interesting title, if I do say so myself, lol. You ask.. what the heck is that one about?? Is it about sailing the ocean? I wish! The ocean in any fashion sounds perfect right now! Poor me... for the first year in 4 years, I will not be going to the beach in NC for the annual family trip... yes I am bummed, but I think I will survive too!! Besides, I am working on an alternate plan.... a trip to CA soon... they have beaches too, LOL.

OK... this post has NOTHING to do with the beach or anything like that... side tracked for a minute. Foggy waters = going back to work... thus searching for clarity!

Since becoming a mother, I have battled the working or not working dilemma. Prior to being a mother, there was NO way I wanted to be a SAHM (if you knew my mother you would understand why this idea never crossed my mind, lol... she raised me to do it all and that seemed like the only option). Then the idea of leaving Kaya in the care of someone else just seemed impossible... plus all I could think about was all the little things I would miss. Well, a fire and a move from CA to TN later solved that for me, lol. Had we remained in CA, I would have gone back to work (as Mark was so not making enough money there), but I would have been able to get STD for awhile to deal with everything from our fire. Well, the move to TN allowed me to collect unemployment for 6 months (yes, when a move is needed for your spouse for a job you can get unemployment... I was all about taking advantage of that one!). That really did help with our 'transition' when we moved here. Then I took an additional 6 months before getting a 'job' (I use quotes loosely b/c I already had a job as full time mom, lol). During those last 6 months, money was pretty tight... plus we were still not home owner's. We (Mark and I) agreed I needed to get a job so we could get a house. This was really my ONLY reason to take the job. Although, I would go back and forth about wanting more than being a SAHM... then again, the idea of someone else with Kaya was just sad to me! At any rate, I worked up until I went out on maternity for Connor. Mind you... the whole time, I just wanted to be at home with Kaya. Amazing how your perspectives can change!!

OK... present day now. Two kids... similar situation. Yes, we bought our first house (which I am still proud to say), but with that of course our expenses are higher. Right now, we really are not financially at a place for me not to bring in some income... yes, we could wing it but it would be very tight, and I know I would go nuts if I couldn't leave the house b/c we didn't have any money, lol. That is not an option at all!! So... you take out the cost of daycare for both kids (nuts how much Connor's cost would be), and I will not bring home much money really... but it is still some money... enough to make things more comfortable. So, originally my plan was to kick ass at Mary Kay and have that as income, so this would all be a mute point. Well, to kick ass at Mary Kay, I have to actual put some effort into it, LMAO. Not that I do not want to put the effort, I just lack the drive to do so right now. Obviously, it must not be too important for me right now... otherwise I would 'just do it'. To my defense, I really need some training in order to have more confidence in selling... and getting that training has been a little tricky so far. But I am going to be doing some very soon. Maybe in a few months, things will be VERY different on that front.

So basically, I have to go back to my job, bottom line. I have until 8/15 before I 'have' to go back (meaning my job is secure until that date), but 7/11 will be my last paycheck, so after that no more money (bring me the money, lol). Mark and I have agreed on the end of July for me to return (I am hoping for 7/28 but it might be better for 7/21 as it will still take a few weeks before I will actually get a pay check). Oh, we have also agreed that me working will not be for too long, for sure. He wants me to be at home as much as I do... hence his focus to get to the next level, thus more money. There again, if he can pull in the amount that I will be bringing home (minus daycare costs), we will be fine. Mark is very open to a lot of things and lets me run with things, but money is something he is pretty nutso about. I have to respect that though as he grew up w/o much money and went through a bankruptcy with his parents. Where my mom had money issues, but I had NO idea as she was adamant about us not knowing.

LONG post (early morning mind running)... bottom line...... I am searching for clarity with returning to work. I keep telling myself it is the right thing to do right now (familiar words when I went to work last April, lol). The reality is... nothing is forever!!!!! I can do this for a few months... likely until the end of the year (possibly not that long) as both Mark and I are focused on the 'big picture'. As long as we stay focused on that, all will be good. It does not mean that it will not be hard for me... oh boy, I still cannot imagine leaving my boy... but again... take advantage of the time we have, that is the name of the game.