Time to buckle down again.... you would think we would learn!!

NOPE, it is way to hard to teach a dog new tricks, right?! I am totally a dog... at least in this reference!

So, we are living... yes this is true. We have food on the table for all of us, yes. Some weeks, it is VERY slim pickings and the peanut butter sandwiches get OLD fast! Yes, we have a roof over our heads..... a roof that is MUCH pricer than we should have gotten ourselves into knowing we wanted to be back to a one income family (but I digress). Yes, I have gotten REALLY good at bargain shopping and coupons are my BFF's!!

BUT.....

Most of the time..... I feel like......

a fish out of my fish bowl... gasping for air!

I am so incredibly thankful for the people in my life and the things that I DO have..... and I am a very simply girl, one that does not require too much (shh Mark... you know it is true). OK, I am NOT perfect... do I want nice things, hell ya.. I will not lie. BUT... I am not a shopper at all which is a good thing for us financially, that is for dang sure! Do I want certain things and find ways to get my way? Hmmm.. YES and this gets me in trouble sometimes for sure! But... I also OVER analyze almost every 'me' purchase!! Like, I got my hair professional highlighted in June (first time my hair has been professionally colored EVER). I agonized over this purchase and had thought to do it for many years, but I had always said that I did not want to start down that road as I thought I would not go back.... mind you, I am OK with my natural hair color too. Do I love how my hair looks now? YES, I really do. Can I live without it? Much bigger YES. Do I regret it? Not at all! I set aside money for it to happen and have NO guilt about it at all. That is something I have gotten SO MUCH better about over the last year or so too. Life is too *** short to worry to death about that kind of crap! When Mark and I were working full time, money was not a problem (no, we were not rolling in it... but we were not dependent on paycheck to paycheck). I did more 'me' purchases during that time, for sure.

Our house being one of them.... LOL. Not really, it was not that at all. I LOVE, LOVE our house and am SO proud of it... even the walls that need painting and the lack of decorations (after all that is all they are), but we bought this house with two incomes. Now, I did NOT make a crap load of money when I worked, but I certainly brought home a good amount to help cover bills and give us the extra we had. So.. it is NO secret that we have been struggling financially since we lost my income. Mark and I talk about it a lot... not like we do not.... although we certainly have had times where that has been a problem... that is really the only time that it REALLY stresses me out.. when he and I are not in communication about money or anything for that matter! Mark works 3 week nights and Sunday afternoons at SuperT to help (giving him 60-70 hours per week of work in total).. while I bring in a little bit of money here and there with MK and babysitting (nothing solid though).

It is NOT for lack of effort on my part to bring in more money either... and both Mark and I know that... I do not have to defend myself to him nor myself anymore (never mind what others might think about our situation and how I do 'not' work outside of the house but a little bit... ok, I digress... as yes that attitude from others does piss me off, but I stay focused and remember that we ALL have our situations... and what works for one does not work for another.. and that is THAT). I have tried on NUMEROUS occasions to get a solid babysitting gig (I feel weird saying that word, lol.. like I am a teenager looking for spending money) and have looked at a number of other options/ideas to bring home a solid paycheck. BUT, lets think about jobs in general over the last year, not to mention a lot of people tighten their spending (us certainly included)... hmm, not so many out there to get, lol. I have always said I would love to find something that would allow me to work at home. So, really in all seriousness, I canNOT work full time at home (well I guess I could if I decided to give up sleep and trap K&C in front of the TV for x hours per day, lol). Mark and I both agree that neither of us want that though. So, part time... yes, that would be PERFECT! Alas..... perfect = near to impossible to find! Again, this is NOT for lack of effort. Yes, I could be MUCH more aggressive with my MK biz... well, I am as aggressive as I feel I can be personally. Of course, it is a matter of how hungry you get as I have been told by a very smart women who happens to be my director. She is completely right, I know... but I really, REALLY struggle with it. I am getting better with this and have made more money of late, so that is a plus.

So, you might say... get a real job. Well, yes... again if it were that simple. Again, not for lack of effort here either but honestly this is NOT an option for us right now for a number of reasons.... first and foremost, we (both Mark and I) want me to be at home with the kids (yes.... me who was set on NEVER doing that) but I can get passed that for a period of time as I did it before. Well, that was with one kid in daycare... now with two kids in daycare... well, that would be $1500-2000 per month. OK, yes, I would still bring some money home..... but not much and well, we are keeping that option at the bottom of the list for now (not that it is NOT still on our minds, of course it is).

OK... to sum up.................. as I am typing this I am posting new ads for my 'services' lol. I am for hire to do just about anything!! :) HIRE ME.... to watch your kids, to clean your toilets, to make curtains, to run your errands......... hey, you have something you need done, I just might be able to figure it out, so let me know! I am highly trained in err a lot of things and attention to detail is my middle name!! Do you like my 'want ad'?? LOL

Really though.... I would greatly appreciate passing my name along to anyone that might need childcare, house cleaning, sewing!!! THANKS!

Stay tuned for my sewing creations! I am thinking of things to make to sell now that I have an AWESOME machine thanks to my wonderful MIL and am getting my sewing area set up FINALLY!

Oh, in general I know with 100+% that it will all be good...... because God is so dang good and with him ALL things really are possible, this I know! Sometimes, he just needs some time, I know that too! :)