Clevage shots!!!!

Yes... you read that right!! That was what I was doing one year ago from now!! It was Bunco at Jenna's where there were just six of us but dang we had a blast. The night consisted of spilled tequila all over Jenna's dining room floor and taking pics of our cleavage... you cannot ask for a better night, LOL! It was a blast, largely because of Jenna's fun spin on every moment....... and it was also the last time I would see Jenna as Jenna.

As I woke about an hour ago when Connor was ready to eat, I could not help but think of you Jenna... I knew 6/8 was coming and what that meant, so the tears and the laughter began all at the same time. From cleaning up the spilled tequila and airing out the room from the smell to all of us pushing our boobs together to get the best cleavage shot (cannot remember who had that idea... but it was a good one, lol), it was just a fun night with the girls but also a great memory of the last time I saw you. There was a moment that night that has haunted me since... you were sitting on your couch with Ashlee on your lap talking about the possible places for you to recover after your bone marrow transplant to come after Will would be born... and there was this look in your eyes of such concern. At that time, I obviously understood the look and my heart felt so for you. After you passed (I still struggle with saying "died" and your name in the same sentence), I thought back to that night..... and I could not help but remember that look in your eyes... and think you knew you were not going to make it as you held extra tight onto Ashlee. I knew that was your biggest fear... not making it for your kids... and that was my biggest fear for you too. My heart breaks whenever I think about Ash, Kaity and Jake (and Will as he never got to see your face)... and how much it majorly SUCKS that new memories cannot be created.

Thank you for the memories I do have of you... for nights like the one a year ago... for being you... for letting me into your life....... I am forever changed. Miss you and love you.