"Hey Baby"

Yes, those are words that I will forever hear in my head from you, Jenna!! Oh, and "Hey" the way you would say it on the phone..... the same way you said it that last time I talked to you (the night of 6/26/07). I have so many wonderful memories of you... and for that I am truly thankful and know I am a better person for your impact! Thank you for so much! I miss you and love you dearly!

Yes, it has been one year from today that we all lost such an incredible person. One year of tears, smiles and laughs as we remember all the moments... the good and the bad. One year from a day where many of us know exactly what we were doing at that moment we found out Jenna had died. For me, I spoke to Jenna on 6/26/07 on my way home from work. Her mom and the kids had just gotten to Vandy to see her, so I told her I would let her enjoy that time and that I would call her back later that night. I got home that evening and walked to the back yard where Mark and Kaya were at... and said to Mark "I do not know what I will do if I lose Jenna". God was attempting to prepare me for the morning to come. Well, I did not call Jenna back that night as I fell asleep on the couch (I will always wished I had called her like I said I would... but I know she knew I was thinking of her too.. and I am thankful I heard her voice that night earlier). Morning came and I wasn't at work for long when my cell phone rang. It was Chandra telling me that things were not good at all with Jenna. She didn't have all the details but asked if I would post on our board that she needed hard core prayers! She and Barbara were headed to Jenna's house to be with all the kids while Mark and Janna went to the hospital. I spoke to Chandra at least one other time that morning to get updates as they were known. I was also checking the blog that Jenna's sister had started to raise money and give updates. I do not remember the exact time I read the words "Jenna has died" on the site, but I do remember time stopping. It was one of the moments were nothing matter at all. I got up from my desk and went to my lead with tears rushing and my body trembling and just said "she died, I have to go outside". I called Chandra and just said "Is it true?"... hoping so hard that I had mis-read and she said "Yes". She was with all the kids (including Jenna's who did not know about their mom at that point), so she could not call to tell me nor say much. Her and I shared tears... more mine as she had to fight them back for Jenna's kids.

I just remember silence.... I was outside and there was no noise. No birds chirping... no people talking... nothing. Soon a coworker came to join me and just let me fall apart all the while holding me tight. I called Mark who was just down the street in the other building to update him. I couldn't even get the words out.

While a year as gone by... the tears and pain are still there. The shocking pain is not there as much, but there are still moments where I expect her to just show up... especially for a night out! She loved to have our girls nights and just do whatever! There are many more smiles and laughs when I think of Jenna.. oh the stories and good times, thank God for those moments. When I think of of Ashlee, Kaitlin and Jake... the pain is just so intense. Jenna pour everything into them and took so many pictures of their lives together. I so hope the girls will always be able to really remember their mom, and Jake... oh Jake. I was able to see the kids the other day along with Janna. All three of the kids were happy and Janna talked about how well they were doing. It was sureal to see them. Death is part of life, and life does go on... but at the same time, it seems like life has paused for a year.

Today is about celebrating Jenna's life though, so tonight a number of us are going to La Siesta to celebrate with macho margaritas and queso dip!! Jenna and I shared a love for La Siesta and went together on a number of occasions. I loved sharing the queso dip with her but still have not gotten into margaritas. I will never forget the night she went for 3 (yes that is 3) of the macho margaritas as shown in the pic below. She was really done after #2 and had very little of #3... but dang that is still a lot of liquor. Also shown in the pic is one of the many drunk calls she made that night, LOL. We had a blast!! I hold onto that night with a smile! I am looking forward to more smiles and laughs tonight as we all share more stories of you Jenna!