Reflecting...

This blog is my journal location... MY place to write anything I desire. This is one reason why I have not shared my blog address with many, not because I am a prude (while some may think.. and if anyone does, sorry but I do not care, lol).. but because this blog is for ME... no one else. I have NO problem with people reading it... people that I have shared my address with.. people who have gotten the adress from those people.. that is totally fine. I have NOT shared this address with my family.. again, it is not because I am a prude... it is because I have things on my heart and in my mind that might not come across right at the time... but that is fine with me... that is the art of journaling. I used to keep a paper form of journalling for myself... I used to have a 'whatever' journal and a bible study journal (high school and college age). Well, both types of journals faded over the years. I journaled while in labor with Kaya (some when I was preggo with her) and have kept a journal(s) of moments in her life as she has grown (now with Connor as well). This is for me more than anything... it is my way of remembering those moments... their first time for something, expressions, reactions to things, travels, etc. I have already referenced Kaya's journal many times to remember specifics on things. My memory is horrible, but I can read things in the journal and be reminded of that moment.. almost like it was yesterday. As I get older... and my gets get older, I hope to keep up with this.... someday, I will give them to the kids... and I know someday (might be when they are parents themselves) they will appreciate reading about themselves when they were young.

Back to ME though. A very dear friend of mine... a VERY wise woman.... a woman who WAS another mother to me (as she was my mother's age and took me in her home at a time when I needed a house to live in as my mother lived in CA while I was in high school... she provided so much more then... she gave me a home)... whom I miss so much... whom I will NEVER forget.... especially as she travelled half way across the country to see me get married when she was so sick and not far from losing her battle to breast cancer.... whom I know is looking at me and smiling... oh, I so wish she had been able to meet my kids............. I could devote an entire post to Stephanie! I miss you and LOVE you so much!

The connection is this... Stephanie was a world traveler (including her only sister living in Hong Kong and having herself lived in many countries). Through her life, she learned so much and WAS very wise about so much. Stephanie told me years ago to keep up with journaling (as I did this when I lived with her already) becuase sometime, I should write a book about my experiences. As a 17-18 year old, I thought... yes, someday I will write a book. As a 30 year old, I wonder how I could sell a book about my life, lol. BUT, I actually think I could... if I were open about things.... see, Stephanie was there for me at a time when I struggled the most in my life... more than I have struggled since.... a time that I trule believe has formed me and prepared me for who I am today. She never judged my choices... she was a friend to me... a very mature friend, one who could provide great insight from a lifetime of her own experiences. Yes, she was a 'mother' to me.... but she was able to be for me what I think is hard for a real mother to do for their daughter.... she was soley my friend. While my mother has had to be the one to raise me, care for me, guide me, etc... I think it is hard to just be my friend. I understand this more now than ever as a mother myself to my daughter.

So to sum uo, lol... I continue to blog.... as this is MY journal for MYSELF. Who knows.... someday... maybe there will my a book about MY life on the NY Times Best Seller list, lol. Anything is possible in this life.... another thing learned from a woman who I was proud to have known.